Hockey Will Break Your Heart

Who would have thought that I'd be out here in 2025 resurrecting a hockey blog from the depths of the internet graveyard? Wild. 

Things going on the last time I wrote: 

• Oilers were not making playoffs
• I was in university
• Andrew Ference was captain of the Oilers
• Being an Oilers fan was shameful 

Things going on now: 

• Oilers are in the playoffs
• I am 5 years into my career
• Connor McDavid is not only an Oiler - but the captain!
• Being an Oilers fan is the new hip, trendy thing

This is what brings me to where I am and to be writing this today, so without much more adieu, let's get at it. 

I considered renaming this page as "Confessions of a Jaded Fan" but ultimately, I decided to leave the questionable name up. 

I am fighting an internal war against the game of hockey. 

Every year, come playoffs where Draisaitl and McDavid carry out their usual antics but with a more concentrated spotlight on them, I get more inclined to gatekeep hockey. You hear people talking about hockey who are not interested in hockey at any other time of year - and my blood boils. 

Some of the following situations have made me grumble this off-season: 

• in-laws talking proudly about how they only watch hockey during playoffs 
• anyone talking about how they started watching in '06
• any fun little Oilers tiktok 
• the absolute butchering of statistics by fans who watch for two months a year 
• the sell-out of the corners of the hockey internet I used to love 
• hockey romance books romanticizing hockey culture
• Chris Pronger being on Hockey Night broadcasts

Because here's the thing, I've been around the hockey community for a long time and one thing I know is that hockey will break your heart, and until you roll through all the stages of that life cycle, you don't get it. Until then, I will continue to pass my judgement. 

Here's my hockey love and lore: 

The story goes that toddler-Amanda used to draw stick figures with the high-collar of Don Cherry on them. Couldn't write my name in lower case letters yet, but you bet your ass I was quiet during Coach's Corner and Hockey Night in Canada. 

Growing up in Edmonton in the early 2000s (and I guess technically half of the 90s), I wasn't in the hay day of the Oilers - not even really all that close. But at this time, there was still hope about the Oilers, memories carried on by the adults regarding their winning streaks, and the team wasn't bad.  

I have a whole set of hockey memories from ages 4 -7: 

• being a recurrent member of The McJunior Oilers Club
• attending autograph sessions when they were held in the basement of the SkyReach
• attending Skills Competitions when only a few hundred fans went
• being shown on the 'tron relatively frequently from our once-season seats (fun fact: that section was removed in the early 2000s)
• sitting on the blue seats of Rexall/SkyReach in a vertical position because I was too short otherwise
• fervently cheering for Georges Laraque
• cheering for Pittsburgh after getting a Pittsburgh cup from a vending machine
• collecting McDonalds collectable NHL collaborations

Out of all of this, I remember vividly hating the Dallas Stars. With passion. After all, it's like 2000 or 2001 and the Oilers are facing them every single year in the playoffs. 

Hockey was in my blood. Being a hockey fan was all that I knew and all I wanted to know. 

2006 rolls around and it's a wild ride. Our school's Ukrainian Easter celebration was filled with Oilers jerseys, jersey days in school, kids standing on streets with signs and cheering, Toys'R'Us filled with Oilers merch. I ran around in that silver and blue oil drop jersey, with an Oilers dog tag necklace, as often as I could.
It was fun to be a fan. It was fun to stay up for OT games even though you had school the next day. It was fun to talk about hockey with others. 

But hockey broke my heart. And not the moment that I whipped my Oilers necklace to the floor after the '06 loss to Carolina, it's been a continuous break over and over and over later in life. 

This is the story of why I judge hockey fans who are still all sunshine and roses. 

Hockey is not a welcoming community. Hockey is not an accepting community. Hockey is not a happy community. Hockey is not an enjoyable community. 

Hockey will not accept me for who I am. I am a woman, but a woman who does not abide by WAG mentality or appearances. But I dare to talk and be interested in hockey? Must be making it up. 
(The PWHL is working to heal that deep wound in me - so much love for those ladies) 

So what do you do when you are constantly being questioned and challenged on your interest and motivations? You insert yourself into the community, of course. 

• This is my third (I think?) iteration of a hockey blog. What a time the 2010s was. 
• I have a twitter account that was largely hockey focused - not successful, but it's where all my connections are
• I had a hockey tumblr, actually, a few
• I attended local events that were frequented by hockey internet personalities 
• I started networking with bloggers and others in the community 

I formed online friendships through Twitter, largely, with some other women who were interested in hockey. We were fun. The interactions were positive and supportive - but then the grumpy men found us and tried to tear us down. 

I attended events put on by a local blogging conglomerate and built friendships. I attended a ball hockey game in downtown Edmonton and hung out with hockey writers from Toronto. Things were positive, and I started to be more inclined to working within the industry; a few failed intern interviews later, I settled for working within retail adjacent to the team. 

I fully recognize that some of the treatment I received while working there was because I was working in the retail industry, but a large part was because I was a woman. I have a clear memory of training a new employee who was just lovely, but he was totally disinterested in hockey. Fine by me! A customer came in and we ended up talking about hockey playing brothers, I mentioned the Neidermayer brothers and how they were born in different provinces, but he didn't believe me, instead favouring to ask the jazz guitarist who doesn't watch hockey. Whatever. 

• This still happens - When I interviewed for my current job, my boss was impressed by the signed Oilers jersey that was behind me in the Skype interview and we talked about the Oilers. You know who hasn't been invited to the hockey pool since? Me. And any other women at work. 
• Last year during the playoffs, I was at a bar watch party and was talking with a coworker about Florida and where to beat Bobrovsky, earning an eye roll from him, but I earned an eye roll to him when they did exactly as I said. Right, I am not a fan and I certainly know nothing.

The thing about me is that I'm a good employee so I thrived in that job while I was in school. I got to spend time around my favourite sport, received a heavy discount on the merchandise I was buying anyways, and it was a chance to embrace and connect new fans. It was great - except when I was being questioned, ridiculed, and demeaned by staff, customers, and management. 

We are now in the mid/late 2010s and things are starting to shift in the world of hockey. 

Ben Scrivens is walking in Pride to represent the NHL. Maybe parts of me will be accepted in the hockey world, after all. 

But I was wearing out. I was a woman in a man's community. I was an employee, not a fan. I was working with the depths of the public in the Decade of Darkness. 

Going from the downfall of the Golden Age that I grew up in, the crash and burn of '06, and now deep into the darkness was brutal. The Oilers became a team that was cool to hate, and everyone jumped on that thought. Anyone who cheered for the Oilers must be in it for one of the players or not know anything. Certainly no one was bleeding orange and blue anymore, except I was from the fissure in my heart. 

Through all of this I am listening to hockey podcasts on my commute to school and while studying, I am reading through advanced stats in university classes, I am compiling thoughts and numbers in phone and laptop notes all day. But right, it's fine, I didn't know the sport and the Oilers sucked so therefore I shouldn't like them. That didn't stop me, but I did build up walls. 

My love of hockey died. I couldn't advocate for my own knowledge anymore. And worse than that, it was becoming apparent how badly others needed advocacy in hockey. The dark age of hockey was a bleak turning point. 

Things were coming out into the public. All the things that happened in dark corners, locked rooms, and with no mics were suddenly being revealed. We knew the things that were happening and it could not be denied. 

Akim. Devante. Tootoo. Brown. Dumba.  Players started to speak up. 

Now, we have the likes of EM, Anna Kane, and the survivor of Noah Corson. Women who have been vilified in the media for the things that men did. 

The NHL cancelled their celebratory nights. Pride Night? Gone. Hockey Fights Cancer? Gone. Black History Month? Gone. Sure, teams can still hold them and sell limited-edition jerseys, but they can't be officially recognized by the league. 

Bill Peters is employed by the WHL. 

Joel Quenneville has a job, but Kyle Beach was subject to the media storm of trying to remain anonymous. 

Patrick Kane got a new contract. 

Evander Kane has a contract, and all the "girls' girls" are cheering for him. 

The WHL has a history of players being caught uttering slurs and being picked up by other teams

Part of what was the most horrifying with all of these events is that people were not interested in the atrocities and how it needed to be better; people were interested in the mystery and the unsaid. As many quiet thoughts were being said aloud, there were still elements shrouded in shadows. 

Kyle Beach is an example of how it became a spectacle. Beach wanted to remain anonymous in the early proceeding and developments, but people became deeply invested in finding out the identity of the survivor. 

Reporters were our saving grace. In particular, Katie Strang and Rick Westhead carried the reporting field through the mess that hockey was becoming. 

Hockey fans are aware that hockey culture has been garbage for a long time. We are talking about a cost-prohibitive, time-prohibitive sport that was fond of hazing, violence, bullying, and racism. These quiet parts were slipping out. 

Many of us who had fathers growing up in the 70s and 80s also may bear a bit of a cross about their journey with hockey. I certainly do with when I realized all that happened for my dad to stop playing hockey as a team, yet, he doesn't seem to harbour the same frustration - at least outwardly. 

Everything that happened and continues to happen is a reminder that hockey is not the sanctuary I grew up understanding it to be. 

The little girl who grew up drawing Don Cherry collars on stick figures watched as Don Cherry was released from his position as racist comments started to slip. The girl who shook and cried after meeting Don Cherry at the airport lost a comfort figure in her comfort sport. 

Hockey was not a safe place anymore. 

Every playoff season I wrestle with these feelings. I enjoy watching hockey, and I love the sense of community that it affords me. But then the bandwagon fans show up the playoff fans start sounding off, the '06 followers are vocal, and the supposed-feminists are championing the Kanes. 

What these new, positive fans do not know is that hockey will break your heart. It won't be because your team loses in game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals, but it will be as you watch someone be ostracized and mistreated. You might have all the money to buy season seats and attend events, but your contribution is to the capital success of the team, not the improvement of culture or community. 

Hockey is not about winning or losing; hockey is about being a part of a community where you belong. Almost all of us do not belong in this community. And hockey doesn't care about us. 

Andrew Cogliano Contract Extension!

On January 4th, it was announced that the Anaheim Ducks signed forward Andrew Cogliano to a 4 year contract extension, believed to be worth $12 million.

What a fantastic signing this is for the Ducks! And damn, did they every get a steal of a deal!

Let's discuss why.

Oilers Trade Logic

This is about as "BOLD" as it gets for MacT, and this was a while ago....

Craig MacTavish walked into his role with the Oilers with the ballsy statement that he was going to be making some "bold" moves to better the team. Someone needs to buy Craig a dictionary, highlight the definitions of bold and better and then go throw it at his head.

To recap, BOLD has gotten the Oilers:

• Andrew Ference
• David Perron (in getting rid of Paajarvi) 
• Boyd Gordon
• Luke Gazdic
• Jason LaBarbera
• Denis Grebeshkov
• Richard Bachman
• Ryan Hamilton
• Will Acton
• Jesse Joensuu
• Philip Larsen

Now don't get me wrong, there are some good acquisitions there, whether or not they were through trade or straight up signing, but "BOLD" is certainly not the word that should be used to describe those moves. At all.
Then tonight, November 8, happened. And I have a feeling I will be editing this post by the time I post it to include another move by the Oilers, but let's just talk about what has happened already.

Read on for:
Move 1: Smid Trade
Move 2: Bryzgalov Signing

"HERE COME THE OILERS!" Oh yay....

Do you know that feeling where you adore something more than you can even explain? When you can't get your mind off of it. Everywhere you look, there are little things that remind you of it. Just the smallest thought about it can bring the biggest smile to your face. Then you get your hopes up and think maybe luck will be in your favor this time.... and then...
Your hopes go crashing down to the ground. You feel sad and broken. It doesn't feel like there is any hope of it changing anytime soon. You try to escape that feeling but everywhere you look, there are those little things that remind you of it. It's inescapable. It's in your mind. You love it. But you hate it. You keep going back for more and only end up sad. You know that feeling?

Yup, hockey season is back in Edmonton.

The Oilers are now just under two weeks into their season and sitting at a record of 1-3-1. Yes, it's only five games in, so it's implausible to make any valid conclusions from their record, but there have been other telling signs about how this season is going to play out. Starting all the way back to their first game against the Winnipeg Jets.

So, read on.

Is This The Most Off Color Comment of the Season?

Joe Thornton. And Joe Thornton's foul mouth.

I really don't even know where to begin on this one...

We all know where this one is going though, right? "If I scored four goals..."

And you should probably warned, there will probably be some inappropriate language, innuendos and puns in this. So don't say you didn't know.

Fighting Part II

A couple of days ago, I wrote about fighting (if you missed it, here) and that article was brought on by an unfortunate incident. I definitely wasn't planning on writing a fighting opinion piece at that time, and I certainly wasn't expecting to be writing a second part to it right now.

This time, let's look at the logic and opinions on coaches getting involved in the fights - whether vocally or physically or both.

Thank you to Patrick Roy for his antics that lead to this piece.

So read on.

Fighting: Integral to the Game or Unnecessary Violence?

Now this is a post I wasn't really planning on doing right now but then with the events tonight in the Toronto-Montreal season opener, I thought the timing would be fitting.

As we all know, there are so many opinions on fighting in hockey depending on who you ask. It goes from the extreme of it being barbaric to the other end of it being a necessary and enjoyable part of hockey.

So with that kind of a range of opinions, what's the league going to end up doing about fighting with the ever increasing number of injuries?

Well, I think....

ANDREW FERENCE: The 14th Captain of the Oilers!

This morning, I woke up to the very exciting news in the twitter world that.... ANDREW FERENCE WAS NAMED THE 14TH CAPTAIN OF THE EDMONTON OILERS.

Image blatantly taken from oilers.nhl.com who blatantly took it from Eakin's twtter 

I was ecstatic hearing the news of it, as I have have a tremendous amount of respect for Ference and all that he does for the communities wherever he is playing.

For more on my opinion as to why he was a great choice, and my reactions to people's reactions, read after the jump. You know you want to.

Jarome Arthur-Leigh Adekunle Tig Junior Elvis Iginla

(Courtesy of the Official Calgary Flames Twitter Account) 

IginlaWatch was out in full effect tonight, and any speculation that there was about an impending trade of Jarome multiplied 40-fold when it was announced that he was a healthy scratch. At that moment it became painfully clear to hockey fans across the league, as well as all hockey teams and players that Iginla would not be a Flame within the next couple days. Half the hockey fans out there were hoping for a Cammalleri-esque trade where he gets pulled during the game and is done, while a quarter of hockey’s fan base was hoping it was just to prevent an injury so that he could be traded later, and the last quarter were just hoping that they were working on a trade but felt indifferent to the entire situation. I fell into that first half of the fan base, I was hoping Iggy would be playing tonight and would be yanked off the bench and put in a cab, a la Cammalleri. 

Recently, Iginla had submitted a list of teams that he was willing to be traded to; reportedly that list contained four teams who happened to be the last four Stanley Cup winners (Pittsburgh, Chicago, Boston, Los Angeles) and that made it all the more clear that if Iginla was leaving the Flames he wanted a Cup.

Speculation was mounting about Iginla being traded to the Bruins for Alexander Khokhlachev and Matt Bartkowski, as they were both scratched in the AHL and NHL respectively. That really just added fuel to the fire. Then went it was announced that Iginla would not be dressing against the Avalanche that pretty much set the hockey fandom ablaze.  It got very confusing and complicated quickly as multiple reputable sources for information such as this started releasing contradicting updates.
During the Flames game, Aaron Ward – a current member of the TSN panel with some pretty solid connections within organizations – tweeted that Iginla to Boston was a done deal despite no official announcement having been made. Along with that, it was speculated that in return, the Flames would acquire Khokhlachev, Bartkowski and a conditional 1^st round draft pick (conditional on Iginla re-signing with Boston). That then pretty much became accepted as fact, despite no announcement having been made and Boston reporting that a deal was in deed not completed.

My thoughts on Iginla to Boston:
As someone who enjoys the Boston Bruins and the way that they play, I have watched quite a few of their games in recent seasons. As an Oilers fan, I have seen my fair share of Iginla’s play. That all being said, Iginla would have fit in with the Bruins organization without any problems and would have had success there. The Bruins definitely would have benefited from such an acquisition, even though they aren’t exactly lacking when it comes to skilled forwards. I honestly feel as though Jarome would be a quality addition to pretty much any team, both on the ice and in the dressing room.
What Calgary would have received in return is pretty pathetic compared to what they were giving up. Yes, Khokhlachev and Bartkowski are talented and promising, but they certainly aren’t an Iginla. And that conditional draft pick? Laughable. Calgary would have had to have been damn fricking sure that Iginla would at least sign another year in Boston, otherwise Feaster made an idiotic, laughable decision with that one.

Twitter Trends throughout the
drama unfolding

The Flames were facing off against the Colorado Avalanche while all these rumors were flying. Mike Johnson, from TSN, had said that players were leaning over the bench to ask him about Iggy trade developments. TSN kept showing fans in the stands with signs that were about Iggy, some were “Thank You”s, some were “Iginla has played here since I was born” but either way, you could feel the heartache of the fans. A handful of times the fans started an “Iggy” chant that should have been loud enough for Iginla to hear from his home – since he wisely opted to not be at the Saddledome at all during the night.
Following the Flames win, and the media scrums that always ensue, the media was told not to go home yet and that Jay Feaster would be coming out to make an announcement.

Feaster surfaced and began his speech to the media. Following a long winded speech about Iginla, it was announced that Jarome Iginla had been traded to the Pittsburgh Penguins. WOW. In return, the Flames acquired Ben Hanowski, Kenny Agostino and Pittsburgh’s 2013 1^st round draft pick. WOW. Feaster then went on to pretty much lecture the media about their false trade announcement and whatnot. I can’t stand Feaster personally, but watch the press conference if you get a chance, it was mildly entertaining, although that could just be because I was super hyped about the trade.

My thought on Iginla to Pittsburgh:

Who else is excited to see these two back together?!

Despite having had my heart set on Iginla going to Boston, Pittsburgh will also be a great fit for Jarome. Pittsburgh is absolutely loading their roster right now to make that Stanley Cup run so if that’s what he was after, then all the best to him because there certainly is a great chance of that panning out now! Pittsburgh is a fantastic team that also is not hurting when it comes to offense, and there certainly are enough skilled players for Iggy to find great chemistry with someone. And who can forget Jarome Iginla’s involvement in Sidney Crosby’s golden goal for Team Canada?! I honestly have the feeling that Iginla will thrive in Pittsburgh and that team is going to be terrifying in about a week after the Trade Deadline passes.
And the best part for Pittsburgh, they gained a solid veteran and gave up very little in return! What team doesn’t like a deal like that?
That being said, Calgary did not obtain a whole hell of a lot in return for their star, but I guess Feaster must see a silver lining somewhere in all of this. Hopefully that doesn’t bite Calgary in the ass too much and they can pull off some magic in the next week to replace Iginla, not that that is even close to being possible.

Jarome Iginla is one of the classiest players in the league, easily, and is a fantastic player. He is one of those guys that it is next to impossible to dislike, and seems to be immune to the boo-birds. Iginla is the epitome of what all hockey players should be like (are you listening Patrick Kane? Haha) and is deserving of all the respect he earns league wide.

I wish him all the best in Pittsburgh! And the Penguins better damn well enjoy having the rest of Canada jump on their bandwagon now!

If the night of the Iginla trade was any indication, this next week before the trade deadline is going to be absolutely insane! Here’s hoping for some more big moves!

(Sorry if there are any spelling, grammar or other errors. I wrote this at like midnight and have other stuff to do before bed, so I didn’t get to proofread it. Sorry!) 

Hi Everyone!

Hey! :)

Hockey. Where to begin? Hockey, the stereotypical Canadian sport. Hockey, a sport that a variety of people enjoy in some form. I don't even know how to go on from here, so I will just leave it at that. Hockey is a great sport that we all love.
I have a ridiculous love for hockey, despite not playing the sport myself. I mean, I adore hockey to the extent that one of my friends calls me a "heroine addict but with hockey," which is partly where Confessions Of A Hockey Junkie originated from, however I have called myself a Hockey Junkie long before he called me a "heroine addict with hockey." But I digress.

Anyways, about two years ago, after reading countless websites about hockey and hockey players, I had the desire to create my own blog. Mostly, because I was tired of the fact that if it was either a completely technical hockey blog, or it was basically a puck bunny writing. I couldn't stand either. And at that point, that's when Two Sides Of The Female Hockey Fan was born. (Brutal long name, right?) That was an.... interesting.... experience for me. It taught me that I have the crappiest time management skills and that my dedication can wane pretty quickly. I started off posting pretty regularly but it was a little too puck bunny for my likings. So then when the next season started, I tried my best to write on every single game that the Oilers played and then I would try to write on any other big news around the league. Writing on every single game wore me out because like I said, time management skills sucked. But at least it stopped being so puckbunny-ish. Which I was quite proud of. I mean, there's no denying that I notice when a hockey player is good looking, but that's because I'm a girl and we all have eyes, but I am by no means a puck bunny. And I hate the term puck bunny, but it's nicer that some of the other terms for that. Anyways. I went for pretty much a year without writing as "2sfhf" and I missed it. And I couldn't wait to start a new blog. Get away from all that 2sfhf was and wasn't, and to be able to write more like myself.

Then with the lockout at the beginning of the season, I had absolutely no motivation or reason to starting over, so when it was announced that the season would return, that lit the fire under my ass.

And here I am, starting anew as Hockey Junkie.

So to any of you, who actually made it through that rant of mine, HEY! and to any of you who got here off Two Sides, WELCOME BACK, I'VE MISSED YOU ALL!

I will be writing a bit over the next week and a bit until hockey begins, but unfortunately I have exams after hockey returns so for the next three weeks my updating will be a little sporadic, just hang in there with me. I promise that after these first few weeks, I will have figured out a routine and will be sharing my opinion on anything and everything hockey related.


Love,
Amanda.